I had a long thought over the last few days, turning pages backward into my memories, alive and blurred ones. Yoohoo, I’m 23 now! I was thinking about the places I’ve lived, the academic institutions I’ve joined, friends I’ve made, roads I’ve walked on, things I’ve created, the failures I’ve suffered and the people I was surrounded with. Turning into 24 is not bad. I’m prepared for this transitional time, being raised in a typical middle-class family I believe it’s time to be on my own – in fact, my father thinks so.
I happen to love me. You know that, haha! It was possible cause I was always surrounded with great minds – those intellects and ideas moved me this far, reshaped me, made me feel young and beautiful. As an individual, in my personal life, I’m a loser. Failers I faced ripped me apart, it’s tiring enough. Uhhh. I will be graduating this year, the end of November. Things at NSTU was not okay, mostly my academic part. I have got a plan for a fix. Will I be okay, again – thousand times again? Sometimes I do feel empty, obscured, estranged – filled with melancholy, stuck in depression; those fucking politicians and violated university teachers I talk about, I can’t bear them. And where have all the flowers gone? This is a tough time we live, time gets too heavy to hold. But there is no escape, nowhere to hide. Take a pause, breath, focus, and move on. Walk, walk, keep continuing and there must be a way out – I keep uttering this words in my absent mind.
Well. What I’ve done this far I feel good for that. I’m fine with all of this. I do regret the missings. So I’m thankful to the very people – who have raised me and planted hope in my heart. You’re my sunshine, haha, lots of sunshine. Thanks for the love and compassion. Honestly. I don’t know how to put these feelings into words. And in the end, It’s awesome to live in this curvy time – watching people, poets, feminists, and politicians.